So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
