Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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