omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
