apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just cropdusted the office
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
