her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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