there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
