I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
ok first of all what the fuck
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