you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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