its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
