Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
