Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
