Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
