Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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