I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
