you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
