Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
