So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
