I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize