There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
