there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
