my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
