everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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