Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she smelled like a LAN party
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
