Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Randomize
