Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
