Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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