You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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