1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
