my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
