I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
where does the pee come out of this thing
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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