well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
