that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
