your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
