my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
