I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
