Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize