I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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