she looked like the before picture.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
