Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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