So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
