So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
