dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
