Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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