I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
