how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
