i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
