Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
YAS. BRING CRAB.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
