I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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