Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
