well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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