giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
