okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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