I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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