So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Even my vagina gasped.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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