I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
