As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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