I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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