you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
