What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
