So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
