so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
