dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
