birth control should be required to get into college
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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