when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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