i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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