why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
