what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
