I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
