so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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