Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
