If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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